Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
