there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
