hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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