i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
