is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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