I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
