i think i have herpe
just one?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
