Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
