ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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