apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I did not marry a roomba.
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