it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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