I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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