Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
