stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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