Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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