atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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