I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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