If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
