I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just gift wrapped bread.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
