I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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