At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
