so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
