Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
