It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
