Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
being pregnant is like rehab
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
