I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My friends, they love my intelligence
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
