a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
