I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I intend to get homeless drunk
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
