I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
