how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
