For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
