My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
