I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you win again, gameday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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