No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
