At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
