you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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