I want to stick my p in your. b.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
