Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
