HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
