I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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