woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
