I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
