He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
