a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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