Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
