And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
