Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
