she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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