At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
