Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Congratulations! We have a period
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
