So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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