My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i barfeds in our rink
if only i could text you this smell
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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