so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
